Dr R waves a filament triumphantly at me; ‘Ah, he says, we are normal’!

But I know the truth, I may have passed the filament test and in Dr R’s eyes be ‘low risk’ but my feet are far from normal, in fact they feel odd. I just know there has been a change and it’s not a good feeling. They use a filament, a small, thin, soft piece of plastic, to test sensation on the feet of people who have diabetes. ‘Can you feel that?’ is their phrase. Over the last 5 years or so I have noticed a real difference in my feet. I can’t always feel sensations like I once could and they get sore and give me a terrible burning sensation if I walk a few miles – I suspect its neuropathic pain. It’s not so bad that I need to do anything in particular but I know it’s not as it was – I think I have early sensory neuropathy.

I’ve had type 1 diabetes for more than 30 years, to be precise 34 years and 9 months. I’m well and although not as fit as I would like to be I’m active and doing OK. The trouble is I also know it’s a bit like walking a tightrope; diabetes can just nudge you off balance at any time for no seemingly rational reason.

My feet 2012 in Italy

Feet are funny but massively important parts of you. I seem to have hypersensitive feet; it’s always been a thing that irritates me that I can’t wear the beautiful toe post sandals. I just can’t tolerate the bit between my toes. On the plus side I am not, and have never been, a smoker and I do look after my feet, they are treated to lovely foot cream at bedtime almost every day and I am very careful these days about being barefoot (although I still do it, I mean, after all you need to feel the sand between your toes).

A diabetic foot is what it’s called – not the toe post sandals part, that’s just me – but the risk that people with diabetes have, the risk of complications of ulcers that don’t heal and amputations. You are warned about the risks; your feet are precious and the risks are related to good control. However, beyond 50 years of having diabetes of the so called ‘medallists’ only 39% of people are free of problems with their feet – yep that’s right: 6 in 10 people had some symptoms of neuropathy according to the study by Sun et al (2011). (Great study by the way – if you are interested in what happens to people with diabetes over time but not for the faint hearted with diabetes). I think that’s a lot. At clinic they risk assess you against criteria a little bit like this.

But that’s all well and good.

I am 51 and not 101.

I want to wear fashionable and sexy shoes – that usually means heels.

There is not a healthcare professional in the land who thinks that is OK; I have been advised to wear ‘sensible’ shoes. I rebel and I refuse. My wardrobe is full of suitably unsuitable shoes……

But this summer has proved different. It is with sadness that I report that I feel myself slipping into the comfortable shoes abyss – I even bought some wide shoes this week; it makes me sad.  Here they are my little (wide) black walking pumps.

I know that many people have issues with their feet and for many different reasons and I empathise. My compromise solution is to wear comfort for walking and heels for all else. So if you see me slipping on a pair of wide pumps you know why – I’m walking somewhere and trying to keep my fitbit steps up! The truth is I’m a middle aged woman with diabetes who is watching out for her feet. And for all doctors, podiatrists and nurses; please remember we are people who want to express ourselves through our footwear like many other people, give us a break for as long as we can hobble in the shoes!

I will be wearing suitably unsuitable sexy heels for as long as I can 🙂

My favourite suitably unsuitable shoes 🙂

The other thing is, numbers are about other people aren’t they? But the uncomfortable truth is that they are about you and me too.

Footnote: I wrote a blog for the lovely @whoseshoes about my mother in law and her shoes and you can read it here

The title of the blog is from the wonderful song by Joni Mitchell – thank you to Pete, @swelldiabetes for reminding me!