‘You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’


Dr R waves a filament triumphantly at me; ‘Ah, he says, we are normal’!

My feetBut I know the truth, I may have passed the filament test and in Dr R’s eyes be ‘low risk’ but my feet are far from normal, in fact they feel odd. I just know there has been a change and it’s not a good feeling. They use a filament, a small, thin, soft piece of plastic, to test sensation on the feet of people who have diabetes. ‘Can you feel that?’ is their phrase. Over the last 5 years or so I have noticed a real difference in my feet. I can’t always feel sensations like I once could and they get sore and give me a terrible burning sensation if I walk a few miles – I suspect its neuropathic pain. It’s not so bad that I need to do anything in particular but I know it’s not as it was – I think I have early sensory neuropathy.

I’ve had type 1 diabetes for more than 30 years, to be precise 34 years and 9 months. I’m well and although not as fit as I would like to be I’m active and doing OK. The trouble is I also know it’s a bit like walking a tightrope; diabetes can just nudge you off balance at any time for no seemingly rational reason.

My feet 2012 in Italy

My feet 2012 in Italy

Feet are funny but massively important parts of you. I seem to have hypersensitive feet; it’s always been a thing that irritates me that I can’t wear the beautiful toe post sandals. I just can’t tolerate the bit between my toes. On the plus side I am not, and have never been, a smoker and I do look after my feet, they are treated to lovely foot cream at bedtime almost every day and I am very careful these days about being barefoot (although I still do it, I mean, after all you need to feel the sand between your toes).

A diabetic foot is what it’s called – not the toe post sandals part, that’s just me – but the risk that people with diabetes have, the risk of complications of ulcers that don’t heal and amputations. You are warned about the risks; your feet are precious and the risks are related to good control. However, beyond 50 years of having diabetes of the so called ‘medallists’ only 39% of people are free of problems with their feet – yep that’s right: 6 in 10 people had some symptoms of neuropathy according to the study by Sun et al (2011). (Great study by the way – if you are interested in what happens to people with diabetes over time but not for the faint hearted with diabetes). I think that’s a lot. At clinic they risk assess you against criteria a little bit like this.

But that’s all well and good.

I am 51 and not 101.

I want to wear fashionable and sexy shoes – that usually means heels.

There is not a healthcare professional in the land who thinks that is OK; I have been advised to wear ‘sensible’ shoes. I rebel and I refuse. My wardrobe is full of suitably unsuitable shoes……

flat pumpsBut this summer has proved different. It is with sadness that I report that I feel myself slipping into the comfortable shoes abyss – I even bought some wide shoes this week; it makes me sad.  Here they are my little (wide) black walking pumps.

I know that many people have issues with their feet and for many different reasons and I empathise. My compromise solution is to wear comfort for walking and heels for all else. So if you see me slipping on a pair of wide pumps you know why – I’m walking somewhere and trying to keep my fitbit steps up! The truth is I’m a middle aged woman with diabetes who is watching out for her feet. And for all doctors, podiatrists and nurses; please remember we are people who want to express ourselves through our footwear like many other people, give us a break for as long as we can hobble in the shoes!

I will be wearing suitably unsuitable sexy heels for as long as I can 🙂

My favourite suitably unsuitable shoes :)

My favourite suitably unsuitable shoes 🙂

The other thing is, numbers are about other people aren’t they? But the uncomfortable truth is that they are about you and me too.

Footnote: I wrote a blog for the lovely @whoseshoes about my mother in law and her shoes and you can read it here

The title of the blog is from the wonderful song by Joni Mitchell – thank you to Pete, @swelldiabetes for reminding me!

 

 

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6 thoughts on “‘You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’

  1. Ahh..Annie… I am 54 and do not have diabetes….and always have ‘spare’ shoes (sometimes even two pairs of spares) with me…. it just means you need bigger handbags xx Anne-Marie

  2. Middle age and shoes. I was a daily 4 inch heel wearer til a couple years ago. Suddenly I just didn’t feel safe in them any more, and there is nothing sadder than a woman in heels who can’t manage them. I have a store box stuffed with Manolo Blahnik (truly the most comfortable heels in the world), Stuart Weizmann and Jimmy Choo. All unwearable, all too beautiful to give away. It’s worse than getting wrinkles.

  3. Thanks for your comments ladies 🙂
    So Anne-marie – big handbags is the way to go and June: What on earth will you do with that collection? x

  4. Wait till you’re 70!! I’ve now got collection of trainers, boots and as many fashionable “sensible” sandals as I can find. Consultations offered – I’m an expert!

  5. I can empathise even without diabetes being the same age I have had to seek out similar sensible wide shoes c/o my impossible fat little toes. I love your plan to carry the heels and look after your feet. A blog with music was very uplifting, well done Annie for expressing a serious comcern for many people living with diabetes. And the top tips in your replies re how to manage middle aged feet!

  6. Nice to know it’s not just me who can’t wear toe post sandles!
    I’ve also got a spare pair of flats in my handbag, I can’t run in heals and I’m generally late for trains these days. My “handbag” now resembles an overnight bag with spare shoes, phone charger, Alice emergency entertainment (colouring pens, paper, loom bands at the moment so quite small), spare pump supplies, anti sickness kit, hypo treatments, snacks….my back will be the next thing to go! X

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